I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize