her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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