So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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