Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
