Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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