By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
