I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
