how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize