I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
