Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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