Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
