great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
