remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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