so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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