She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
