you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
