Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
