in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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