Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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