you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
