I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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