i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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