Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
