i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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