there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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