You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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