You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
