I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
