I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
