Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
