My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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