I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
