I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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