dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
