The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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