You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
