She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
