I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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