it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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