I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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