He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
