i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
