question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
