I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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