god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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