Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
