You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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