we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize