That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
