I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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