I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
