Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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