Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize