And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
