At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
