Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
