i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
