He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize