That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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