she looked like the before picture.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
