We're like a lot better than the average bears
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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