take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
