I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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