well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
