honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
