Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
