i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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