This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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