I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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