what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
