we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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