So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
